Let’s turn our attention to the discussion of grades, GPAs, and SAT and ACT scores. I have witnessed far too many well-meaning parents make terrible mistakes when talking to their teens about grades or talking about their teen’s grades to others. Please proceed with caution when the subject of grades, GPAs, and test scores comes up. As we all know, people judge others by their numbers: grades, GPAs, and test scores are just the beginning of a lifetime of adding up the numbers. As adults we judge others and ourselves by our numbers as well. Let’s take a look at all the ways in which our numbers unfortunately predicate our self-esteem and self-confidence:
How much we make – Income is a big marker of success.
How much we weigh or have lost – Sensitive subject indeed!
How much equity we have in our homes – Makes us feel secure or insecure.
How many inches around our midsection – Battle of the bulge is underway.
How much retirement savings we have amassed – Fears about the future are looming.
Well, GPAs and SAT scores are to your teen what your income and weight is to you: a huge predicator of how good or bad your teen feels about him or herself. No matter how indifferent your teen may appear to you about these numbers, he or she knows, you know, and everyone else knows that these numbers matter in our world. So, in the same way a husband would be completely mortified if his wife announced to her best friend, “Kevin promised he was going to break $400,000 next year,” your child is equally mortified when you say “Kelly promised she is going to get nothing below a B next marking period.” Or let’s imagine this scenario: husband makes the following announcement at the Super Bowl party: “Jenny finally met her goal weight – 180 pounds – I’m so proud of you, Honey!” As everyone eyes Jenny appraisingly, thinking, “I didn’t even know she weighed 180 pounds.” I’m sure Jenny just wants the earth to open up and swallow her whole, as she murmurs back to hubby, “Thanks Honey.” However, Jenny may think nothing of turning around the next day and announcing to her friends that her son Michael finally broke 550 on his math SAT. Throwing in for added punctuation, “We never thought he could do it – thank God in the heavens!!”
Let me repeat, whether your teen is a slacker or a high achiever, it is not appropriate to talk about his or her numbers – SAT scores, GPA, class rank – in front of other people. It breaks the trust your teen has in you as the parent-mentor, and most assuredly it will kill the rapport between the two of you. In the same way you would not want to hear your teen talking about your income, bank account or weight, your teen is just as mortified when you talk about his or her numbers to others.
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