In our increasingly ego-centric world there is a growing conversation around self confidence, especially that of women and girls. Studies have been conducted, the results have been tallied and the reports are in - girls and women are just not as confident as their male counterparts! As a concerned parent of a girl or teenager, I am certain that such reports have caught your attention. Parents of boys are equally concerned that their child grows up with healthy self esteem. Recently, I read an article on Linkedin about the problem of women and confidence entitled "Getting Women Past Middle School Insecurity and Uncool Shoes" by writer Kathryn Sollmann, and it got me thinking about confidence and teens.
Where does confidence and true self esteem come from?
The irony about confidence is that it is not about ego. True confidence comes from having a higher purpose. Those boys and girls (and men and women) who are truly confident (who don't have any criticizing voices in their heads) are driven by a mission and a vision beyond themselves, not their egos. Ego motivations simply breed more insecurity, as the ego is never really satisfied, and seeking to fulfill ego needs certainly does not make you happy in the long run.
Don't believe me? Take a look around and see for yourself that those people who have genuine smiles on their faces, who are happy with their work or family life, who persevere through tough times, who have enough energy to help others even when faced with a full plate themselves, who are slow to anger, who seem to pay no mind to their detractors and let criticism roll like water off a duck's back, those people are almost always driven by a higher purpose than their own ego needs to feel good about themselves. This is why parenting, being there for friends and family, mentoring a co-worker, working hard toward the vision of your company, or doing a kind deed for a complete stranger makes us feel good about ourselves: we are serving something larger than ourselves.
If you want your girls and boys to be confident, teach them to get outside themselves and work for the greater good of their schools, sports teams, co-workers, churches, communities, friendships and, most import, their families. We feel good about ourselves when we do good for others. It is really that simple.
<script type='text/javascript' src='//dsms0mj1bbhn4.cloudfront.net/assets/pub/shareaholic.js' data-shr-siteid='fa7cc7b6032268415cd63b7f90580037' data-cfasync='false' async='async'></script>