Most parents are pretty confused about how to relate to their teens. They simply don't know what to say or where to start to recover the joy they felt when their teens were children. Well, the best place to start is with yourself. My three essential steps to building rapport and trust with your teen all have to do with you adjusting your attitude toward teenagers and coming to some understandings about the purpose of adolescence.
Step One: Respect the life stage of adolescence. Like the other life stages – childhood, adulthood, middle age, retirement, old age – adolescence comes with its own joys and challenges that adults need to appreciate and honor. Teens need your support, not your criticism, as they navigate the numerous rites of passage that adolescence brings.
Step Two: Remember what it was like to be a teenager. Have a little empathy, which should be easy to do, because you were there once too. Remember how seriously you took yourself, your concerns, your relationships, and your interests? Well, your teen’s concerns, relationships, and interests are just as important to him or her as yours were to you “back in the day.”
Step Three: Accept that your teen is not a child anymore. Mourn the passing of childhood (quickly!) and get on with the business of raising an adult. You will be glad you did so, because the foundational relationship you build with your teen now will most likely be the one you will be stuck with for the next thirty or forty years.
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